Sunday, July 30, 2006

Borders Banter

Me: Would you like a sac?
Guy: Don't ask a quarterback that!

[uh huh]

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Saturday, July 29, 2006

kids and geeks rejoice

Today is Harry Potter's birthday. Can you imagine that the boy who lived is still living?! Don't the past tense mean that he is gonna die soon? The boy battles great evils and survives to enter his awkward teenage years.

sighs.

Anywho. If you are wondering why Frank knows Harry Potter's Bday, it is not what you think. I don't like Harry Potter or any related fictional character. The only association I have is from the movies that I was forced to watch and the one and a half books in the series that I have read. No. No. No.

As you guys probably know, it is now my job to know this kind of information. So if someone comes up to me and asks "What is on July 29?" I have the pain-staking pleasure of that knowledge.

Damn you.

So "Border's Books | Music | Movies | & Cafe" is having a little shindig for our little lightening bolt scarred boy, Harry Potter. So a little FYI, kids:

Will he be there in person? [Don't be stupid.]
Will there at least be a reading? [sighs.]
Specialized "Harry Potter" atmosphere? [They had tables and chairs in Hogwarts, right? And I guess the Service Manager kinda looks like Haggart.]
Is it only for small children? [Are Harry Potter books only for kids? Yes, they are... but that doesn't stop older geeky people from reading... same applies here.]
Why should I go? [ 1) I'll be there 2) cake]
Can I dress up? [hehehe.]
What was the budget for this thing? [$20?]
When? Where? [11am, July 29, 2006, Border's - West Village / Uptown]

hehe. Jason totally knew about this too.

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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Borders Banter & BR Weekly

Weekly BR = 57% (down from 60)

dammit!

Dude, so this guy totally burped in my face!! If I wasn't so awesome at customer service, I would of told him to FUCK OFF!

bastard.

It took all my concentration not to run away screaming. Seriously, that guy would see a doctor about that... and perhaps an ettiquette coach aswell.

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Saturday, July 22, 2006

funnies

How hilarious is this? Click Link.

crazy funny made by Frank.


I'm so funny... and creative and talented. Or perhaps making fun of Xtina Aguilera is just that easy. No, I like the first explanation.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Borders Banter

Transaction no.9801

Frank: Hiya! Did you find everything all right?
Guy: Yup, my son told me to get this magazine. He is in it.
Frank: Oh, that's cool. [whatever]

[He shows me the article]

Frank: Oh. You're Luke Wilson's dad. Cool. Do you have your Border's Reward Card?

[I signed him up]

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

BR weekly

week3 = 60.1% (pimp status)
week2 = 58.4% (head above water status)
week1 = 38% (bus station skank status)

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Friday, July 14, 2006

crazy week

Next week. All week. Jason's brother and sister are living with us. Next week. All week.

Breathe Frank. Breathe.

This is exactly what it's gonna be like next week.

Yeah... David (Jason's EX) is coming too. I didn't have a picture of him, but Jason's Exes all look the same right? Wirey and odd. Anyways, you know Devon is going to resurface that weekend too. And for Jason's brother, I put Jason with Mark Swanson's hair.

I'm sure it won't be that bad... but they apparently are going to chain smoke in the apartment! eww!

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Thursday, July 13, 2006

Borders Banter

Transaction No. 6518
Frank: Will this be all for you sir?
Guy: Uhh, yeah.
Wife: No, wait. I'm getting this People.
Guy: No, I'm not buying that!!!

Wife puts it on the counter.

Frank: ....
Frank waits for confirmation.

Guy: Meh, saying it out loud makes me feel better about myself.

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Monday, July 10, 2006

BR

Did I mention I hate Border's Rewards?

Click here

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Retail

Working in retail kinda blows. I mean, even if it's selling books.

So everyone at work an be clumped into three catagories: the young people, the work people and the super gays. Some are in more than one group, but mostly they lean into one main group. When they are segregated the system works. When interactions have to taken place, bad things can happen. Let me explain.

The Young People are everyone under 30. You would think that this applies to most of the people working in a book retail store, but no. There's only a handful of us.

The Work People are the person who are just way into their job... like too much!! And they are not just the upper-management people either. They do everything by the books, and don't take shortcuts to anything. They are annoying to everyone, but most importantly, they annoy me. They act as if Border's is like the Messiah returning to bring all the nerds/geeks/freaks from obsurity to the divine light of popularity... or something.

Then there's The Super Gays. Yeah, so if you didn't already know... like 74% of people working at Border's are TOTALLY GAY! Not just gay... but super gay. We are talking "Have you met my huuuusband!?" gay. How does everyone function when there's like 5 shrieking people running around you at all times? Oh man. And do they gossip?! Please, they know everything before you even say it. I think I heard someone in the back say "Steak It! UK!" before. Anyways, I try not to talk to these people too much... I don't wanna get sucked into their imaginary world.

So... yeah... all Border's employees have earphone radios.... And yes... it's exactly as much fun as it sounds. Here are just a few phrase I've heard over the walkie-talkie... some not by me.
1) Can someone please check me out?!
2) A lady just asked me "Do we sell books at this Border's."
3) Is that a girl or a boy?
4) Lane... someone just send you flowers.. sighs.
5) Yeah... a guy just went up the upstairs like 10 mintues ago looking for some books on poetry or something... Umm... I think she needs help.
6) Can I take my 10-minute break like at the end of my shift?
7) Do we sell book plates or something like that here? No, I think those were recalled in 1907.
8) Are you telling me that there are NO more copies of The Notebook in this entire store?!
9) Oh man, only 5 minutes till I'm outta here... 4 minutes... 3 minutes...
10) I get really nervous when the district manager is right there watching me... OH! Is he on here?!!

There is so much drama and scandalous things going on all the time. It's exactly like high school. Except with the hellish hours and humiliation in front of random strangers... strike that... definitly high school. At least I have a few friends who I wouldn't "rat out" to the bosses.

Then there's Border's Rewards... Let me just say... I hate Border's Rewards. It's just this promotion we are doing that everyone treats like SAT scores. So during each of our transactions... there is a 50% expectation that someone uses/signs up for the Border's Reward Card. It's a wonderful promo, but its a horrid way to "grade performance" as employees. My first week there I had a 38%... which is like at the bottom of the list. The superviser had "the talk" with me today only to find that an hour later when this week's BR (Border's Rewards) were posted, I had jumped to 58%.

I got bitched out for nothing!!! Damn you! Ugh.

How do people do this?

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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

internet vampire

So yeah.

The wireless internet router in the apartment decided not to work anymore, and I'm without internet! This sucks. And it is happening at the worst possible time too. My work schedule this week is very thin. I would of had time to use the internet more!!

Ugh. So how did I spend my July 4th dayoff? I wasn't on the internet! hehe. At least I started playing the Sims2 again. My poor sims were all neglected. Meh.

Anyways, if you were wondering, I'm leeching off of someone's unsecured network. Strike that, I know the name but it is too odd to mention. So it's called "Big Danny B." Seriously, why don't people just use the system default name like a normal person. I'm not complaining! So the only place in the apartment gets his very low signal to his network, so I'm stuck here in the middle of the dining/foyer room. But I suppose it could be worst... I'm on a table, so it's remotely sorta not uncomfortable. We'll see how long this sweet deal lasts.

Oh yeah, if you have an wireless internet router you want to donate/sell cheaply to a worthy cause...

Call me!

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