Monday, July 10, 2006

Retail

Working in retail kinda blows. I mean, even if it's selling books.

So everyone at work an be clumped into three catagories: the young people, the work people and the super gays. Some are in more than one group, but mostly they lean into one main group. When they are segregated the system works. When interactions have to taken place, bad things can happen. Let me explain.

The Young People are everyone under 30. You would think that this applies to most of the people working in a book retail store, but no. There's only a handful of us.

The Work People are the person who are just way into their job... like too much!! And they are not just the upper-management people either. They do everything by the books, and don't take shortcuts to anything. They are annoying to everyone, but most importantly, they annoy me. They act as if Border's is like the Messiah returning to bring all the nerds/geeks/freaks from obsurity to the divine light of popularity... or something.

Then there's The Super Gays. Yeah, so if you didn't already know... like 74% of people working at Border's are TOTALLY GAY! Not just gay... but super gay. We are talking "Have you met my huuuusband!?" gay. How does everyone function when there's like 5 shrieking people running around you at all times? Oh man. And do they gossip?! Please, they know everything before you even say it. I think I heard someone in the back say "Steak It! UK!" before. Anyways, I try not to talk to these people too much... I don't wanna get sucked into their imaginary world.

So... yeah... all Border's employees have earphone radios.... And yes... it's exactly as much fun as it sounds. Here are just a few phrase I've heard over the walkie-talkie... some not by me.
1) Can someone please check me out?!
2) A lady just asked me "Do we sell books at this Border's."
3) Is that a girl or a boy?
4) Lane... someone just send you flowers.. sighs.
5) Yeah... a guy just went up the upstairs like 10 mintues ago looking for some books on poetry or something... Umm... I think she needs help.
6) Can I take my 10-minute break like at the end of my shift?
7) Do we sell book plates or something like that here? No, I think those were recalled in 1907.
8) Are you telling me that there are NO more copies of The Notebook in this entire store?!
9) Oh man, only 5 minutes till I'm outta here... 4 minutes... 3 minutes...
10) I get really nervous when the district manager is right there watching me... OH! Is he on here?!!

There is so much drama and scandalous things going on all the time. It's exactly like high school. Except with the hellish hours and humiliation in front of random strangers... strike that... definitly high school. At least I have a few friends who I wouldn't "rat out" to the bosses.

Then there's Border's Rewards... Let me just say... I hate Border's Rewards. It's just this promotion we are doing that everyone treats like SAT scores. So during each of our transactions... there is a 50% expectation that someone uses/signs up for the Border's Reward Card. It's a wonderful promo, but its a horrid way to "grade performance" as employees. My first week there I had a 38%... which is like at the bottom of the list. The superviser had "the talk" with me today only to find that an hour later when this week's BR (Border's Rewards) were posted, I had jumped to 58%.

I got bitched out for nothing!!! Damn you! Ugh.

How do people do this?

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