Saturday, October 29, 2005

about me.

If you are a long-time reader of my blog AND know me, you know how I usually write on this blog. I'm usually very impulsive when it comes to posting. And I think that when I do post impulsively, it's just all me... raw and honest. So yeah... this is one of those posts.

Here are some things you might/might not know about me personally:

• Family: My family always comes first in my mind. They come before my own needs. I am very traditional in that aspect of my life. My mom calls me at my dorm at 3 o'clock on a Monday morning with an important problem, she has my full attention/support/ and anything else she needs from me to help her solve that problem. My brother gets in trouble with the law... I blame law policies. My grandfather calls me to tell me that he's coming for my High School graduation, I skip all the fun after-graduation parties just to spend some time with him. And when my sister finally came back to live with my mom after just running from an abusive relationship, I stay with both of them for as long as they needed me.



• Friendships/Relationships: When you become my friend... really become friends, not just aquantinces... you are almost a family member in my eyes. Ties cannot be severed quickly even if I wanted them to be. When you are my friend, I give you a part of myself that I cannot give back. And just how much I give you, is directly correlated to how much you mean to me... and if you hurt me, it hurts that much too. I don't like to give too much of myself to anyone that has hurt me before. My actual family has never really hurt me ever. But I would imagine it being like a great friend hurting me since I do put them into the same catagory sometimes.



• Younger Me: When I was younger, I was a loner. Very introspective. I could go forever without needing anyone else. I didn't need to tell anyone about who I was and what I believed.



• Older Me: Prefers relationships. Is more honest about what he wants. Trusts people more, but it is when that trust is broken that he goes back to his younger self again. It is the safest place to be. Eventually he will reappear, but it takes time to regain the confidence that he lost.

I am often conflicted with my older and younger cognitions when my hierarchial view on family/friends is in contrast with situational experience.

No one can fully understand another person's views/values, only accept them as such.

It is when you accept them, that you are not in discord with them.

Accept the fact that everyone has their own methodology of having relationships and coping with them. Whether it be culturally, socially, or personally centered.

[If I haven't accepted yours yet, I'm sorry for not doing so.]

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