Sunday, May 07, 2006

In da Club

So it was Cinco De Mayo and there I was chillin' in the apartment with no further plans than just sitting in my chair, downloading junk of the internets, and watching the 3rd season of The Simple Life where Paris and Nicole are interns. [I have never heard the phrases "That's hot" and "Do you love it?!" so many times in my life!]
Then I get a call from a few friends. They wanted me to go out with them. After contemplating for 3 seconds thinking "I can go out with them OR wait here till Jason and his "date" come back, forcing me to find something loud and distracting enough to mask the sounds of inappropriateness that might occur. So I guess that decision was easy.
Anyways, I'm going out clubbing with these guys, and it doesn't settle into my mind that I'm actually doing it till I'm in the car.

Oh shit! I'm going out. Frank doesn't do out anymore! He stays indoors.. and if he does go out, it is usually with the Jason/Devon safety net. Here I am, going out into the unknown with people that I don't normally go out with. Not only that... I'm going to a gay club. A GAY CLUB! Can you believe it?! I haven't been to a gay club in over a year. What the hell am I doing?!

The first stop was a hispanic bar on Maple Ave called Kaliente. [Yes, with a 'K'] I figured since it is Cinco De Mayo, it would be kinda neat. It's packed. And I mean super packed, and I don't know if you guys know but a packed gay club is like double the awkwardness. We are pushing through the hundreds of hispanic gay people to a remotely uncrowded spot. Somewhere I would at least be sure if someone gropes me. It's surprisingly hard to tell in a packed place if a person is either grabbing you or just passing by.
I am blinded by the lights and the blasting Tejano music is seriously hearing my ears. I decide not to be a bad guest and not bitch about it. Besides, it wouldn't be a too different situation if I was at home with my ipod shuffle at full volume and the radiation waves from my laptop. At least here I won't see anything I didn't wanna see... strike that... it IS exactly the same.
At first there was an act with a couple dancing mexican folklorico, and yes, one was a drag queen--at least I think. Then after they finished it became a dance floor for the extremely gay. And the platform and pole in the middle of the room was for the SUPER GAY people. And I know it sounds stereotypical, but everyone reminded me of one of my cousins. Seriously, hispanics generally have the same haircut and facial hair. I freaked out like 5 times.

When we finally decided to leave, I was surprised to find out that we weren't actually done for the night. There was another club that we were to go to. This one was called TMC- an abbreievation for something. This one was a little more of a typical gay club. There was people making out against the wall and body builders with no shirts on.
As we walked by this huge black guy, someone told me that it was a TV anchor from Channel 5. Okay, it is obviously the place to be.
At one point I had to use the restroom. Now... I've been to gay clubs and I am fully aware of the things that can happen in those restrooms, but I really had to go. So I walked in and I immeadeatly saw two guys using one urinal. Okay... there wasn't a shortage of urinials.. but I decided to ignore the fact. And now, I've decided that they were doing someone inappropriate... I don't want to know what... but I just acknowledged that there was something going on.
I don't know why, but I decided to dance at this club. Now... I don't know if it was just the fact that I was not drinking, not entertaining people by being an ass, nor trying to be sexy as usual... but when did I start not knowing how to dance?! I used to own the art of dance. What the hell happened to me? Why am I doing this stupidly goofy straight white boy dance?! Is this what I've become? Has dating girls turned me into something less than Frank? I can't move to the beat to save my life. I'm robotic. Perhaps all those Catholics I work with have took my rhythm? I am freaking out.
I'm 24. I'm not the person I used to be when I was 19. Changing is good, but a complete transformation isn't what I thought I would do. Is this all in my head or am I really a totally different person? I'm not saying that gay clubs are 100% me, but I wasn't always so awkwardly 'out of place' in them. Perhaps all I need is to be a little drunk to see things differently. I shall make it a goal of mine. It's a scientific experiment of sorts. So next time you see Frank completely smashed at a club saying "This is for science!!" then taking a shot of something that can only resemble Tequila...

Don't be alarmed, I know what I'm doing.

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