Sunday, November 06, 2005

Movie reviews

Here is all you need to know about Jarhead.

Jarhead = (Jake Gyllenhaal - Hair - Clothes + Strategically placed Santa hats) + Ooh-rah * sand - no killing

I purposely left out "field fuck" and masterbation from the equation because I think they fall into the Ooh-rah catagory. So if you think this equation is right for you, go see the movie.

Rented House of Wax.
Thank Jesus, there was booze within arm's reach. Devon was screeching through what seemed like the whole movie. This is a very gorey movie--Loved it! If your fantasy is to see Paris Hilton die the way she lived [on her knees], then see the movie it's worth it. And if you know what's good for you, you'll NOT watch the commentary with the actors at all! Let's just say that at least they are pretty and have money... cause if they didn't... they'd be shot... quickly!!


Downloaded Blade Trinity.
I don't know what I was compelled to DL this movie. I guess it was the fact that shirtless Ryan Reynolds was in it. Anyways, the DL only took about an hour [ComCastic!]. So... yeah. Remember how I said I wanted to see if because of Ryan Reynolds... yeah... I think it is my duty to tell Ryan something about his performance in this movie. Ryan... you're hot. You have sex appeal. Why are you trying to mess all that up by talking? Not only are you talking, you are trying to be funny!! NO! Don't do that! I know you're trying to be more adult and less VanWildery, by taking serious roles and dating Alanis Morrissette... but dang, yo!! Parker Posey was your EX in the movie, and yet no sex scene?! Come on! And another thing, you don't make stupid "eat me" jokes when Vampires are interrogating you. It's just idiotic... not to mention sooo unrealistic!

---